2 months down and a lifetime to go

It's hard to believe two months have gone by. I have a rare day once in awhile that I don't cry, but they are rare. The depression, anxiety, insomnia etc are worse than ever. I've started an antidepressant as well as meds for what has into chronic migraines.
my brain is so disorganized I don't know how I manage to function on a day to day basis.
I've started a project for the grandkids, something they can have and hold to remind them of their poppa.
I received his ashes exactly 6 weeks after he died.
I got some silicone heart molds and makers mix crafting concrete.
I am mixing some of his ashes into the makers mix and pouring it into the molds. In the formed heart there is a heart shape depression. I am going to put some ashes in there and seal them in with some modpodge stuff I got. When that's all hard and dried I will be spraying the entire thing with clear shellac.
Then I get to give each of the grandkids one, so they can have their poppa with them all the time.
I will make some extras, just in case of breakage or loss, and I will tell them, or at less their parents, that I have extras just in case, and no one will need to panic if disaster strikes.
for his kids I got each one an urn necklace to wear. Tomorrow I plan to fill them, and hopefully will get all the hearts done, so I can get them all mailed or hand delivered.
I'm planning a vacation, and taking my girls and a friend with us. We are going to Costa Rica. I planned it during their rainy season, in July. I picked then specifically because Lee and I always did something special for our birthdays and anniversary, and I suspect I will need to be occupied then. My birthday is 7/16, his 7/21, and our anniversary is 7/24.
valentines day made the two month mark, and a very emotional day for me. The day after though I got a very special package in the mail, a card and cookies from Utah, my uncle Mel and aunt Catherine. 21 years ago they experienced the loss of their son in an accident. My aunt said it was the things that happened later that helped them keep going, the calls and cards they got weeks and months later, just something to say "we're thinking of you".
It really did mean a lot to get that card and package that day. They knew how much I needed it.
I'm hoping this spring I can get a week off and make the drive to see them with my mom.