Thank you patients

I'm a nurse and though I've had many nurses I've worked with and loved that I respected and looked up to, it's the kids I cared for when I did pediatric home care that made the biggest impact on me.


 The babies that weren't supposed to live, but are now 6, 12, 22 yrs old. The trust they gave me to keep them alive with an ambu bag for hours when a vent malfunctioned, the look in their eyes when I walked in to parents doing what they could while their child turned gray in front of them, the panic on their faces, in her eyes, as they tried to remain calm while an ambulance was called, all the while fighting not to show their child their fear that she was dying.
 The child slowly dying from an incurable brain tumor I sat with all night so his parents could get some much needed sleep, trusting me to keep him out of pain.
The mom who didn't speak English who sent me home after 2 hours night after night because she trusted no one to care for her son except her, to gain her trust and become part of their family, celebrating holy days, birthdays, American holidays, and mourning with them when bad news was received from home
The young man who at 18 gained the strength to tell his parents no more, that he was done with hospitals and doctors, and that he was ready to accept the consequences of his decision, knowing he would die.
The preschooler I watched, and helped, wean off the vent, and meds, and said good bye to as she was now healthy enough she no longer needed nursing care, and I learned Viagra has many uses, even in 2 year old girls.
The baby we were told was blind and deaf, that couldn't sit unassisted or roll over at a year old...to see her now running, playing, eating, smiling at her favorite video and signing more over and over when it ended.
Each child, each family, each family member made an impact on me. Each one lives in my heart. Each one stole a piece of my heart. Each one I loved and cared for like they were my own.


Patients often don't realize the impact they have on their nurses. They don't realize how much they teach us. Christian, your family, have touched many lives, each of them better for it.
For us it's not a matter of "what did I learn from my nurse" it's more "what did my patient teach me today"60










































































































































 The mom who didn't speak English who sent me home after 2 hours night after night because she trusted no one to care for her son except her, to gain her trust and become part of their family, celebrating holy days, birthdays, American holidays, and mourning with them when bad news was received from home.
The young man who at 18 gained the strength to tell his parents no more, that he was done with hospitals and doctors, and that he was ready to accept the consequences of his decision, knowing he would die.
The preschooler I watched, and helped wean off the vent, and meds, and said good bye to as she was now healthy enough she no longer needed nursing care.
The baby we were told was blind and deaf, that couldn't sit unassisted or roll over at a year old...to see her now running, playing, eating, smiling at her favorite video and signing more over and over when it ended.
Each child, each family, each family member made an impact on me. Each one lives in my heart. Each one stole a piece of my heart. Each one I loved and cared for like they were my own.
Patients often don't realize the impact they have on their nurses. They don't realize how much they teach us.

Life as a caregiver

I got a message the other day that really made me smile, and cry. It warmed my heart. I really needed to hear it after a really bad day.
I want to talk about being a caregiver to a spouse that's terminally ill.
It's hard. It sucks. Its even worse when you have to work full time also.
There's no other way to put it.
We don't do it for the praise, we know our spouse appreciates it, we know how they feel.
We sure as hell don't do it for money, there is no pay.
We don't do it to make ourselves feel better, its physically and mentally exhausting.
We do it out of love.
We do it out of compassion.
We do it because our heart says to.
We don't do it to impress people, there are days we go unshowered, teeth not brushed, hair pulled back in a ponytail because we were so busy getting our partner ready for an appointment we forgot to brush our hair.
I often get asked "how do you do it?"
There is no answer to that really. It's hard as all get out sometimes. It's not easy some days.
It's day in and day out, sleepless nights, tears in the shower worried about the one we love.
Its worrying about forgetting appointments, or being late because our spouse is having a bad day.
Its trying to focus just on our partners needs, physical and mental and not worrying about what others think, family or friends.
It's worrying that the next fall will result in bad injury, someone calling adult protective services, or even death.
Its worrying about sleeping through that fall and our partner laying there in pain, calling out to you but you are so exhausted you don't wake up.
It's guilt when you forget one their pills, or forget to take them with you when you get brave enough to take them on an all day outing.
It's love.

We don't do dogs

I used to work at a nursing home. We had a resident who's dying wish was to have his dog cremated and their ashes mixed. So GH died. T was an old dog and had a lot of health problems so none of us had an issue with his wish. We made the arrangements well before G died. The day came and I stopped to pick T's ashes up on my way to work. Get to work and called the funeral home, as arranged with the director weeks before.


I sit down and call... "hello, I'm calling to arrange pick up of GH's dog T."


Funeral home1(FH)- " Ma'am, we don't do dogs"


 Me-"yes, I understand that but we made these arrangements weeks ago and we were told to call after the dog was cremated"


FH-"yes, well, there are places that dispose of animal remains, if you call the shelter they can direct you to one"


Me-"thank you, but can I speak to your supervisor"


FH-"yes ma'am but they will also tell you we don't do dogs."(then transfers me)


FH2- "hello ma'am, I understand you have a dog for us to pick up"


Me-"yes, he's ready to be picked up, you already have his owner GH"


H2-"but ma'am, we don't do dogs"


Me-"I understand you don't do dogs, the dog is already done, he just needs picked up, can I please talk to your supervisor"


FH2-"yes, but they will tell you the same thing"(transfers me again)


FH3- "good evening, I understand there is some confusion regarding animal remains, we don't do dogs but if you call this number..."


Me-(very short and irritated by this point) explains again and tells him to call the director the arrangements were made with.


FH3- agrees to call director who isn't on call that weekend but will have him call me.


FH4(director)-" I'm sorry for the confusion, apparently the message didn't get passed to the weekend on call, we will send someone out within the hour"


Me- thanks him and hangs up to wait for the pick up.


Almost exactly one hour later... In walks a dude looking at an index card, pushing a gurney with a body bag on top...stops by the desk.


Him -"I'm here to pick up T Hambert*"


Me-stands up picks, the box up, walks around the nurses station, sets the box on top of the body bag on the gurney "here is Mr. Hamberts* dog T"


 Him-"but ma'am, we don't do dogs"


Me-(as I'm sitting to start paperwork) "well today you do do dogs, have a nice night"


(He called the funeral home who had been notified of the irregular situation by this time, and was advised to return with the dogs remains immediately so they could get the dog done)


*name changed