Let's talk gymlife for a minute.
For some people, including me, going to the gym isn't as simple as putting on workas out clothes, grabbing a bottle of water and walking in the building.
It's almost a ritual for me, a fine line balancing act, and I nearly have it down to a science.
I try to check my blood sugar about an hour before I go. If it's 175 our less I need to jack up my carbs. 30-45 minutes on the elliptical will drop me 100-150 pts, which would be dangerous if to low. I try to take a cup of vanilla Greek yogurt with fruit mixed in, and granola to sprinkle on top to work with me for a pre work out snack. I will drink a soda with it, if my sugar is to low. Sugary drinks will raise blood sugar fast, but will result in a fast crash also. Protein at the same time will balance that out a little and help to stabilize blood sugar(yogurt has decent protein).
Then I have to keep glucose tablets at hand, just in case I didn't estimate my sugar need high enough. I can't easily have them on me while working out, so I keep them in a locker, so then have a lock I need to try to remember the combo for as my brain is slowly shutting down. I often write the combo on my wrist so I can show someone if I need to ask for help.
Pain is the next issue. Sometimes walking from the car to the building is difficult, the elliptical would be impossible except for my pain meds.
I try to medicate about an hour before I go, so they will be at their peak. If everything is perfect at work it will work out. Sometimes its not and I can't even guess when I will be leaving. So I medicate just as I leave work. That means I sit in my rig and wait for the meds to kick in, burning precious sugar that I already jacked up. Even sitting you burn carbs from breathing and your heart beating, as well as your brain thinking. It's not much but when you try to keep your carb intake up just enough to handle the workout it can throw things out of whack.
Then you finally get in the building, lock your stuff up and head to the elliptical. Step up and start moving. And then you realize that it still hurts, badly. You try to push through it, knowing that though it hurts, it's not doing any damage. You end up stopping every 5 minutes or so, and after 20 minutes of that song and dance you just give up, especially since it really doesn't feel like much of a work out with all those stops.
Grab your stuff and head home, knowing now your blood sugar is to high and you will have to take insulin to counteract the carb loading.
The guilt hits later. You know you need the exercise and you really did try, but that effort that was all for nothing has now taken 2 hours out of an evening you could have spent with your husband. So you decide to take the next day off to spend with your partner and family, but feel guilty because you know you really need to work out. The circular thinking sucks.
Don't judge. That person going slow, stopping often, and quitting after just a few minutes may have a chronic condition that makes it difficult. They may want to do more, but it's physically impossible.
RSA
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Monday, August 22, 2016
Life With A Terminal Disease-or how we wait for death
Today a friend and her husband have been married 23 years.
I love seeing things like that. It used to make my heart ache every time I saw something like that. While happy for my friends and family, it still made me realize how short my ever after really will be. Life with terminal diseases sucks, but at the same time is a blessing.
I know my forever after won't be as long as yours, my parents, my grandparents, and at the worst moments I ask myself "is this it, has my ever after ended today"? Will there be another day for us? Will he remember who I am tomorrow?(there have been recent days that no, he doesn't know me).
I just take it day by day, and I try to make the most out of every minute we will have together.
I was talking with my mom this morning about something I want to do, but know I can't until Lee is gone. Mom said "well that won't be for another 10-15 years". Reality is, lewy body dementia prognosis is 5-7 years. The Parkinson's disease and leukemia are an issue, and there's a timer running out on those also. I take it Month to month, day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, second to second, and count myself as lucky. We know it will end sooner rather than later. We can plan for it, I can plan for my future without him, and we can let ourselves live like today is our last day together.
I encourage everyone to live that way. Its not sick or morbid, its living for now instead of tomorrow because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Live, love, laugh, and make the most out of today.
I love seeing things like that. It used to make my heart ache every time I saw something like that. While happy for my friends and family, it still made me realize how short my ever after really will be. Life with terminal diseases sucks, but at the same time is a blessing.
I know my forever after won't be as long as yours, my parents, my grandparents, and at the worst moments I ask myself "is this it, has my ever after ended today"? Will there be another day for us? Will he remember who I am tomorrow?(there have been recent days that no, he doesn't know me).
I just take it day by day, and I try to make the most out of every minute we will have together.
I was talking with my mom this morning about something I want to do, but know I can't until Lee is gone. Mom said "well that won't be for another 10-15 years". Reality is, lewy body dementia prognosis is 5-7 years. The Parkinson's disease and leukemia are an issue, and there's a timer running out on those also. I take it Month to month, day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, second to second, and count myself as lucky. We know it will end sooner rather than later. We can plan for it, I can plan for my future without him, and we can let ourselves live like today is our last day together.
I encourage everyone to live that way. Its not sick or morbid, its living for now instead of tomorrow because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Live, love, laugh, and make the most out of today.
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
The night I tried to kill my husband, or, why i had to talk with poison control
I have hesitated to share this story, but I need to so others are aware.
You will see this number mentioned several times. Write it down please.
1-800-222-1222.
Keep the number of poison control handy. They have a medication nurse on staff and they can help regarding medications and overdoses, as well as poisons.
My husband is an old man(71) and has parkinsons(with a little dementia) and leukemia. I get his meds ready for him, every night I set up his bedtime and meds for the next morning, and do mine at the same time. I set mine down, place his morning ones down next to the coffee maker, turn and give him
his bedtime ones.
That night, July 30, 2016, I set up his meds, set them down, set up my meds, turned around and gave him mine to take, and he swallowed them just as I realized my mistake and said STOP.
Before you say something like that can never happen to me... I'm a nurse. An RN. I was also exhausted from work and being his caregiver, and planning a little vacation we were taking the next day.
He received 2 narcotics, a muscle relaxant, and a med for nerve pain, all of those can cause drowsiness and dizziness.
I never thought I would ever in a million lifetimes make this kind of mistake. I was torn up big time.
Poison control isn't just for chemicals/poisons/kid incidents. I called the VA nurses help line first. She kept me on the line while she called poison control 1-800-222-1222.. She didn't disconnect until I was talking to the medication nurse.
Even with their reassurances he would be ok, I was still a mess, still fighting tears, and barely holding off a panic attack.
The poison control nurse called me back 3 hours later to check on him, and me, and had given me her direct line if I needed to call before that, even if it was just to be reassured. When you call poison control it automatically routes to the closest regional center. 1-800-222-1222.
Always know what meds everyone in the household is on, keep a list on the fridge. They will ask when they took them, what meds they took, dosage, and what, if anything, they normally take.
I have all meds in a 3 drawer plastic shelf thing. One has his meds, one has mine, and one has all the back up stuff and my diabetes supplies. I didn't have a list on hand, but because I have them organized like that I was able to go right to the drawer and look at each bottle to tell her what they were. On a normal day I can name off each of our meds, dose, and when it's normally taken. In my panic I couldn't remember anything. I still kept a cool head, despite how I felt inside, but it wasn't enough. I couldn't think of the names, let alone dosage or times.
1) keep the number of poison control handy. Hang it by the phone. Program it into your cell. Write it on the fridge with a sharpie. 1-800-222-1222.
2) keep a list of medication names, dosage, and time it's normally taken.
3) keep all meds separate(many look nearly identical) and in a locked box if you have tiny minions around.
4) never hesitate to call/ask someone for help, you may not have the mindset to call 911 or poison control. 1-800-222-1222.
We are VERY fortunate nothing bad happened with this. I know we had luck and God on our side, it could have turned out so horribly different, I could have killed my husband accidentally. I am thankful nothing more than him sleeping 14 hours came from it.
I am not ready to lose him.
You will see this number mentioned several times. Write it down please.
1-800-222-1222.
Keep the number of poison control handy. They have a medication nurse on staff and they can help regarding medications and overdoses, as well as poisons.
My husband is an old man(71) and has parkinsons(with a little dementia) and leukemia. I get his meds ready for him, every night I set up his bedtime and meds for the next morning, and do mine at the same time. I set mine down, place his morning ones down next to the coffee maker, turn and give him
his bedtime ones.
That night, July 30, 2016, I set up his meds, set them down, set up my meds, turned around and gave him mine to take, and he swallowed them just as I realized my mistake and said STOP.
Before you say something like that can never happen to me... I'm a nurse. An RN. I was also exhausted from work and being his caregiver, and planning a little vacation we were taking the next day.
He received 2 narcotics, a muscle relaxant, and a med for nerve pain, all of those can cause drowsiness and dizziness.
I never thought I would ever in a million lifetimes make this kind of mistake. I was torn up big time.
Poison control isn't just for chemicals/poisons/kid incidents. I called the VA nurses help line first. She kept me on the line while she called poison control 1-800-222-1222.. She didn't disconnect until I was talking to the medication nurse.
Even with their reassurances he would be ok, I was still a mess, still fighting tears, and barely holding off a panic attack.
The poison control nurse called me back 3 hours later to check on him, and me, and had given me her direct line if I needed to call before that, even if it was just to be reassured. When you call poison control it automatically routes to the closest regional center. 1-800-222-1222.
Always know what meds everyone in the household is on, keep a list on the fridge. They will ask when they took them, what meds they took, dosage, and what, if anything, they normally take.
I have all meds in a 3 drawer plastic shelf thing. One has his meds, one has mine, and one has all the back up stuff and my diabetes supplies. I didn't have a list on hand, but because I have them organized like that I was able to go right to the drawer and look at each bottle to tell her what they were. On a normal day I can name off each of our meds, dose, and when it's normally taken. In my panic I couldn't remember anything. I still kept a cool head, despite how I felt inside, but it wasn't enough. I couldn't think of the names, let alone dosage or times.
1) keep the number of poison control handy. Hang it by the phone. Program it into your cell. Write it on the fridge with a sharpie. 1-800-222-1222.
2) keep a list of medication names, dosage, and time it's normally taken.
3) keep all meds separate(many look nearly identical) and in a locked box if you have tiny minions around.
4) never hesitate to call/ask someone for help, you may not have the mindset to call 911 or poison control. 1-800-222-1222.
We are VERY fortunate nothing bad happened with this. I know we had luck and God on our side, it could have turned out so horribly different, I could have killed my husband accidentally. I am thankful nothing more than him sleeping 14 hours came from it.
I am not ready to lose him.
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