Life takes a dump

 I'm depressed. I can finally really truly and honestly say that.
Majority of the time I am alone I spend in tears.
It's been three weeks now, or is it four?  Each day is just blending into the next and I am just going through the motions and doing what's expected of me, and even then I fear messing up or disappointing. I think I've disappointed a lot of people.
 Elizabeth Kubler Ross had it right with her stages of grief. Grief doesn't have to come just with death, but it can come with other things, like finding out that you have an essentially terminal disease, lose a job, get divorced etc.
 I went through this when we learned of Lee's cancer, but hid it much better than I am now, or maybe I just don't remember, or I internalized it. Whichever it was I think I dealt better with it, at last I feel I did.
 I struggle just to do daily things that are expected, including getting out of bed and getting dressed. I manage at work, put that fake persona on and go about my day. I'm afraid to let people see the real me, to see who I have become lately. It's not the same person I was a few weeks ago, I'm not the same person.

I know this won't last forever. I know I will be ok, eventually, and then I can be the real me again.