down the rabbit hole

Wow! Two in a row, that's like amazing or something! Yay me. Or not.
I think of Alice when she went on her adventure. Down the rabbit hole to a crazy world that can only exist in a world of dreams, or drugs. Eat me, drink me, grow ten feet tall and become invincible, only to shrink and become miniature and able to get lost. A hookah smoking pink cat  with a body and head that seemingly disappear at will, only to reappear in the next thought. Now, who was the one really smoking the pipe?

Then we have The walrus and the carpenter....

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

I think they make the most sense of any of them, they discuss the important things and don't ignore the elephant in the room. In this case it's cancer, it's polycythemia. The more I read the more I feel like Alice must have.  My head is spinning and I don't know which direction to take. What to eat, what to drink, where to go and what to do. 

I am truly thankful for the support I have around me, the family, friends, co workers. I appreciate the ones that ask me how I am and truly mean it and want to know. I appreciate the ones that see I'm having a mini breakdown and just let it happen. I appreciate the ones that know when I don't need any words and just a hug says it all.

But I am Alice, I will continue on and I will fight through all those little battles that come up, and then I will close myself up in my room and cry as much as I need to before I return to my world of daughter, wife, mom, and nurse.